His Butler, Kissing Back
by Incoming-Duck-Fiend
Summary: A christmas special . . . in which Zero sees someone kissing Santa Claus.


Hola!

**IMPORTANT!: This story is from my main story called His Butler, Biting Back. If you have not read that story you might find this one terribly hard to understand, so please GO and read it if you have not already.**

I've been in a holly jolly mood lately, probably all the christmas songs, and decided to write this. Hope you like it!

**I do not own Vampire Knight, Fullmetal Alchemist, or Kuroshitsuji.**

"Are you sure about this?" Sebastian asked. "I don't exactly like this costume, young master."

Ciel was standing on the edge of a chair, adjusting the fake white beard that hung from Sebastian's face. "It will make everyone happy if they see a big, fat man wearing a red costume dancing around the house giving them presents." He pulled the collar of the red Santa suit tighter around the demon's neck. It was strange dressing his own servant, but surprisingly fun.

Sebastian smiled, his red eyes gleaming under the bangs of the white wig he wore. "You have a kind heart, young master."

Ciel glared at his demon butler. "No, Sebastian. I don't have a real heart, remember? It's a dark hole, now—revenge is the only thing that keeps it beating."

"You seem to be in a foul mood," Sebastian sighed. "If I remember correctly, humans should be in a happy mood this time of year. Maybe I should do you a favor and let you wear this costume and give presents. It might warm your hiding heart . . . Besides, this beard is quite itchy."

The young earl smiled at the demon, his blue eye at the same level as the demon's red ones. "No, seeing you prancing around the house in this idiotic costume will warm my soul." He leaned forward. "Thank you, Sebastian." And he placed his lips gently on the corner of the butler's mouth. Then quickly pulled a Santa hat on top of the already overdressed butler. "Now, Mr. Claus, go deliver the cheap presents I have bought everyone."

Sebastian grinned. His red eyes were gleaming as he said, "Yes, my lord."

* * *

Kaname lay on the small servant's bed, reading a book that wasn't interesting him. When all of a sudden someone came crashing in through the door.

"Kaname! Kaname!" Zero screeched, jumping onto the bed and also jumping on top of the pureblood vampire.

"Oooof!" That is the sound of Kaname being squished by a freaked out Zero. Yes, quite the interesting sound.

As soon as Kaname was able to suck in a breath of air and slap some sense into the suddenly hyperactive Zero he managed to ask "What the hell is the matter?"

"You won't believe what I just saw," Zero whimpered, purple eyes misty with dramatic tears.

"What did you see?"

"No! I can't tell you! It's too frightening!" Zero screeched, burying his head in Kaname's chest, which felt quite nice.

Kaname sighed. "I'll give you a cookie if you tell me, Kiryu." Food always seemed to help the vampire slash vampire hunter quit freaking out, calm down, and spill his guts. It was like getting him drunk but with delicious pastries.

Zero suddenly looked at Kaname with sparkling eyes. "Really? Okay! So I was going to visit Ciel in his room—confidential reasons, so don't ask why! I got lost a few times and wound up in the kitchen. Yeah, that American named Bard gave me some really weird food which he cooked with a dangerous metal lookin' thing. So I ate that, left without giving him a tip, and went in search of Ciel again. Instead I found Aidou—that bastard—and Finny, and Meirin. I don't know what they were doing. They were twirling around in circles, which freaked me out. So I went in search of Ciel AGAIN, and this time found Lizzy and Yuuki hanging out in their room. That kind of pissed me off, because Yuuki is mine and should only hang out with me. Lizzy didn't seem into Yuuki, even though Yuuki totally made some moves on her. Yeah, Lizzy was drawing these weird circles on her walls (which always seem to be perfect circles), so she really didn't have time to notice me or Yuuki."

Kaname just stared blankly at the ranting vampire.

"So I finally found Ciel's room," Zero continued. "So I opened the door, but I heard voices so I didn't jump in and attack him like I usually do. Instead, I hid behind his door, peeping through the key hole, and listening to what was going on. I didn't arrive early enough to hear all of the conversation, but the words don't matter! Guess who I saw with Ciel?"

Kaname woke up from his bored stupor. He had been staring at Zero's lips, not paying attention to the words, but just staring. It had been a very strange experience. "I don't know. Sebastian?"

Zero made the annoying game show buzzer sound. "No! I haven't seen Sebastian all day. There was this big, fat, red guy in the room with him. Yeah, it was totally Santa! And guess what happened next? Too bad I'm not going to let you guess! . . . I saw Ciel kissing Santa Claus!"

"That's it?"

Zero frowned. "Well, don't you think that is a little strange? Santa kissing a thirteen year old boy? He's totally a pedophile . . . like you. So I guess you and Santa can be friends or something."

Kaname's eye twitched. He suddenly leaned over Zero and picked up the red sleeping cap he had found under the bed, presumably belonging to Tanaka or someone of the like. He put it on, amused by the look on Zero's face.

"You know what I saw today?" Kaname asked.

Zero cocked his head, gray hair falling over his eyes. "Nope."

Kaname grinned. "I saw Zero kissing Santa Claus."

Zero scream was muffled as Kaname's lips unexpectedly were pressed down hard on his own. Zero pushed at the pure blood's chest, trying to scream out the word "pedophile" but not being able to due to several reasons.

He was just about to give in and kiss the damn pure blood back when the door suddenly burst open. Kaname growled.

"Why are we always interrupted? We never get farther then this! Whoever just walked through that door is going to die a very painful death!"

"Uh-Uh! Don't be a naughty boy. . . you'll have to go on my naughty list. And bad boys get punished."

"Oh my god! It's Santa," Zero gasped. "Get off me, Kuran. I'm not getting coal because of you again this year!" Zero jumped off the bed and over to the Santa/Sebastian in the door way.

"What do you want, _Santa_?" Kaname asked, not fooled by the costume.

"I'm delivering presents to all good boys and girls . . . sadly I have no way to deliver the presents. I think I need some reindeer."

"Like hell I'm being your rein—"

"Shut up! Of course we'll be your reindeer, Santa! Can I have my present now?"

Sebastian smiled under his white beard. "I'll pay you after you help." He handed Zero a red clown nose and reindeer horns. He threw the other set at the fuming Kaname. "Ho. Ho. Ho."

* * *

"You! Annoying girl! Leave me alone!" The not-Lizzy screamed as she paced around the room. "I'm busy calculating the alchemic power I need in this bloody circle! Go bake some cookies for me or something! I prefer chocolate chip. Now, shoo!"

Yuuki frowned, her blood colored eyes misting over. "But, Lizzy, I want to spend Christmas night with you. No one should be alone on Christmas. Especially not a newly turned vampire."

"I don't know what you are talking about . . .Well, I like being alone. So there! Now bake me cookies!" Edward lied, well only about the whole being alone thing. He loved cookies, but didn't like being alone . . . but he didn't like being with this annoying girl either. He really just wanted to be back in his real home . . . spending the holidays with his real family.

There was a quite knock on the door.

"Who is it?" Yuuki called out.

"Santa Claus," came the reply.

Yuuki giggled. "Did you hear the, Lizzy? It's Santa Claus!"

Edward gave her a weird look, raising his golden eyebrows. "Who the fuck is Santa Claus? Some sort of pedophile?"

"Hah! See? Even Lizzy thinks Santa is a pedophile. Yeah, that's right Santa, I know all about you and Ciel," Zero said walking into Lizzy's room wearing his reindeer costume. A seething Kaname stood in the hallway.

Santa raised an eyebrow. "I have no idea what you are speaking about."

"Pssh. I saw you getting it on with Ciel. Don't even try to get around this one," Zero said, wagging a finger at the costumed butler. "You're the naughty one."

Edward stared at the sudden intruders. He didn't look very amused by the sudden freak show that had come barging into his room. Though, he did like seeing the brown haired man—his name forgotten—wearing nothing but a red nose, reindeer horns, and small brown miniskirt. It made him think of the colonel.

Yuuki skipped forward and stopped before Santa slightly leaning to the side to get a better view of her older brother. "Hi, Kaname. You look wonderful. Are you supposed to be Rudolph?"

"Pssh," Zero psshed. "I'm Rudolph. He's like Stripper, or something."

"It's Prancer, you jackass," Kaname growled.

Sebastian suddenly burst out laughing, a laugh you often hear those creepers at the mall do when they make you sit on their laps. "Ho! Ho! Ho!"—Zero snickered—" Merry Christmas, little girls. I've brought you candy—"

"Point proven," Zero said very wisely.

Sebastian managed to tackle Zero to the ground and press a pale hand on the vampire's talkative lips. "Like I was saying, I have brought you candy and gifts . . . not from me, I'm just the deliverer, but from the young master of this house."

Yuuki giggled as Sebastian handed her a brightly colored box. "Oh, this is wonderful. Don't you think so too, Lizzy?"

Edward was still unconvinced about this whole Christmas thing. He didn't exactly want to bring it back home with him, especially if a pedophile man and his stripper reindeer were part of it.

Zero was starting to squirm under the fake Santa, biting his pale hand and grabbing at his beard.

Sebastian didn't stop him as the white beard was pulled off his face, taking the red hat and white wig along with it.

Zero was stunned for a very long minute, looking from the white beard to the red eyes of the demon on top of him. "It's an imposter! Someone bring me a shotgun!"

Sebastian sighed and slowly got off of the crazed Zero. He pulled a green box out of the red bag he had slung over his shoulders and slowly approached the alchemist. "Young master sends his regards and hopes you are enjoying your stay here."

Edward frowned. "I don't see how a fat man in red, two naked reindeer, and a small present are supposed to make me happy . . . But whatever. They're free." He took the box from Sebastian's hand and pulled off the wrapping in one tug.


End file.
